menkiko

The forbidden fruit- 
it tempts me so. Though I had already been roped, I desired to be roped again. 
Perhaps it's the satisfaction of the other I desire. it's so sweet but so far out of reach, the forbidden fruit... 
The current one is too fresh. I desire one the ripest. 
But... Why does the fruit make me hungry for more?
As I thought, my stomach is empty again.
My heart is empty again.
All those with the forbidden fruit.
They leave again. 

So many nightmares and so little clarity.
I clutch your gift.
It doesn't smell like you anymore.
I guess I didn't deserve that anyway.
Obviously.
I didn't deserve you at all.
Another cold sweat.
Another night.
I cry myself
to sleep
once more.

My memory is getting worse.
My attention is getting worse.
My hearing.
My sight.
I force myself to sleep, and I force myself to eat. I don't want to, but I will. 
I worry about things, but I'm told that's not my job. 
What is my job?
Listen, listen, listen.
I have to make people happy until I'm happy.
It's good.
It's okay.
But people don't think.
Don't think of the outcome.
Oops, they found something of mine that wasn't meant to be found.
Scolded, scolded. But is it with compassion?
I don't know. I'm clouded.

I can't.

Between strained breaths, my fingers tap against the keys. Every few moment I glance at my fingertips, they feel like icicles but they are not yet blue.
The words I find seem to not be 'good enough' for you or your liking. I press again. Again. Again. My face collapses into my palms, I can't stop myself. The tears overflow. This is it.
You're gone.